I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
