Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We have started to decorate penises.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i've created a new STD.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
