I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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