i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
