There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize