I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
