Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
