$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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