Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
