try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
