She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
