Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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