Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
