That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
