He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
