i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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