OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
