I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Your cock deserves a montage
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
