xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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