True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
