I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
