on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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