Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
