you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
