i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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