I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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