i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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