I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ttyl tear gas
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Randomize