put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
