you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
