'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
