I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
