I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
