i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
