I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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