i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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