dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
