i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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