Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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