I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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