I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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