the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
