I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize