i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
someone owes me an orgasm
he was CRYING into my vagina
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
