HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
