Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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