i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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