There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
