By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
