tell your sister to shave her snatch
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
