she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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