well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
