when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Two words: nipple clamps
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