Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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