i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
