Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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