I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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