It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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