I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
