There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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