U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
