Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
