saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pants are for mortals
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
