So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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