I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
