They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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