Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
