You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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