Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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