guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
