You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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